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Life Coaching
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We are killing off the phrase "work-life balance." Burying it with other terms of days gone by like 'Y2K' and 'the world wide web.' Strike it from your vocabulary. Why? It doesn’t exist. The phrase, work-life, implies some divide and balance, connotes elements that are equal. Work and life divided equally? Preposterous.
Picture this scenario:
A mother wakes up, deprived of a good night’s rest as a result of sleeping with her
6-year-old daughter who was dreaming about wrestling a bear. The morning starts with the husband/significant other ranting about a family collage that her fourth-grader “just forgot” to do. She bounds downstairs just shy of 6 a.m. to rummage through pictures, glue gun in hand, to help create it. Not getting any exercise, she takes her 8 a.m. call in pajamas, jumps in the shower and takes a 9 a.m. call while commuting to the office. An employee scheduled a 10 a.m. career development discussion, followed by a call from the elementary school clinic. Her 11-year-old son was complaining of a headache. They called to say they were sending him back to class, but will monitor him. She then Googles the Mayo Clinic flu tracker to make sure there is no outbreak and makes a mental note to pick up Children’s Tylenol on the way home.
Her focus returns to a client, but then comes a call from her mother’s assisted living community. They want to schedule her for some physical therapy to improve her coordination. They recommend she call her doctor and get a referral. So, she makes the call, fills out some forms, faxes them in and gets back to work.
Then, there’s a lunch meeting with a team partner during which she gets a text from her husband, “Baseball game tonight. Adam is pitching for the first time. We are on the hook to bring snacks.” Her husband’s use of “we” usually means that she will be purchasing bulk-size packs of Goldfish crackers at some point during the day.
On the way back from lunch, her mother calls her “just to chat” and she has 30+ emails waiting in her inbox. Her colleague calls at 4 p.m. He needs something before 6 p.m. She still needs to get snacks for the game, commute home, change clothes and make a 7 p.m. game.
Sounds hectic, right? Or does it sound like one of your normal days. In some way, shape or form, this is what many of our days look like. But here is the realization: This is life, your hectic, wonderful life. We are mothers, wives, grandmothers, executives, sisters, daughters, volunteers and friends. We are part of the sandwich generation, juggling the care of both young and old. These are all the roles we play, and bottom line, they cannot be neatly separated. They cannot be compartmentalized. When you walk through the doors at the office, you still have all these responsibilities. There is no work on one side and life on the other. There is no balance. When you walk into the house at night, you are still an executive. Every minute of every day, you are all these things.
In general, corporate culture has evolved greatly recognizing employees have a life outside of work. There was a time when you were to pay your dues even if that meant sitting there two hours after you completed all your work. Now, more businesses are supporting the concept of creating balance, striving for equal parts work and home. Around 2008 came the notion of “disconnecting.” CEOs and human resources offices urged people to disconnect from their laptops and devices. So heeding that advice, some of us turn off the tablets and phones once home, only to find yourself wondering if a client responded or your boss sent out a meeting schedule. Like a moth to a flame, you feel drawn to check. To look or not to look. Most of us spend a lot of time and energy trying to achieve some separation, trying to be “present” on weekends but brainstorming on an upcoming client pitch. And on occasion, during team meetings, you wonder if the local grocery store can make a Batman cake or if your daughter got an ‘A’ on her test.
“Be in the moment.” “Focus!” Trying to balance and disconnect and failing … repeatedly. Fretting about which role had drawn the short end of the responsibility sticks.
Now, here we are in 2018, and after anxiety and self-imposed stress, here is the great announcement: YOU CANNOT SEPARATE WORK AND LIFE
It cannot be done, and here is an alternate phrase: Working Life.
As in, you are working your life, working all your roles. ‘Working life’ is unlikely to be added to the Urban Dictionary. However, it best describes how most of us work.
Stop fixating on the figurative scales of your life. Stop counter-balancing and measuring who gets what and what gets more. Stop trying to compartmentalize and divide. It is a fruitless exercise. Instead, accept that every day you will be making adjustments in order to accomplish all the roles you fulfill. A little to the left. A little to the right. Up. Down. Sideways. You will never be finished making these adjustments. That’s life.
And to those of you who believe that your life challenges should not influence your career, ask yourself, do I value diversity of thought? Perspectives? Experiences? Your experiences as a mother, wife, caretaker, volunteer, friend, have all helped you develop professionally. It has made you who you are: time-management skills, negotiation tactics and abilities to see details are enhanced by these roles. They help you to be relatable, productive, empathetic and happy.
There have been countless articles about the convergence of work and life. Lots of discussion, which is a good thing for now. However, there must come a time when we stop talking about it because we don’t have to; it’s simply the way we work, the way everyone works. But for us to get there, we need to do the following:
1. Talk about it. Lead the dialogue. Share your stories. Talk about what is going on in your life and let others know what support you need.
2. Don’t judge. Whether someone wants flexibility for their health, their family or an outside interest, don’t evaluate why they are making adjustments. What they value is what they value.
3. Trust and be trusted. Follow through on your commitments. Be responsible.
4. Be dependable. Do the things you need to do and do them well. Don’t miss deadlines. Don’t make excuses. You are a grown-up. Act like one and be responsible. Figure it out.
So here we are … throwing a figurative rose on the coffin of work-life balance. May you rest in peace.
Picture this scenario:
A mother wakes up, deprived of a good night’s rest as a result of sleeping with her
6-year-old daughter who was dreaming about wrestling a bear. The morning starts with the husband/significant other ranting about a family collage that her fourth-grader “just forgot” to do. She bounds downstairs just shy of 6 a.m. to rummage through pictures, glue gun in hand, to help create it. Not getting any exercise, she takes her 8 a.m. call in pajamas, jumps in the shower and takes a 9 a.m. call while commuting to the office. An employee scheduled a 10 a.m. career development discussion, followed by a call from the elementary school clinic. Her 11-year-old son was complaining of a headache. They called to say they were sending him back to class, but will monitor him. She then Googles the Mayo Clinic flu tracker to make sure there is no outbreak and makes a mental note to pick up Children’s Tylenol on the way home.
Her focus returns to a client, but then comes a call from her mother’s assisted living community. They want to schedule her for some physical therapy to improve her coordination. They recommend she call her doctor and get a referral. So, she makes the call, fills out some forms, faxes them in and gets back to work.
Then, there’s a lunch meeting with a team partner during which she gets a text from her husband, “Baseball game tonight. Adam is pitching for the first time. We are on the hook to bring snacks.” Her husband’s use of “we” usually means that she will be purchasing bulk-size packs of Goldfish crackers at some point during the day.
On the way back from lunch, her mother calls her “just to chat” and she has 30+ emails waiting in her inbox. Her colleague calls at 4 p.m. He needs something before 6 p.m. She still needs to get snacks for the game, commute home, change clothes and make a 7 p.m. game.
Sounds hectic, right? Or does it sound like one of your normal days. In some way, shape or form, this is what many of our days look like. But here is the realization: This is life, your hectic, wonderful life. We are mothers, wives, grandmothers, executives, sisters, daughters, volunteers and friends. We are part of the sandwich generation, juggling the care of both young and old. These are all the roles we play, and bottom line, they cannot be neatly separated. They cannot be compartmentalized. When you walk through the doors at the office, you still have all these responsibilities. There is no work on one side and life on the other. There is no balance. When you walk into the house at night, you are still an executive. Every minute of every day, you are all these things.
In general, corporate culture has evolved greatly recognizing employees have a life outside of work. There was a time when you were to pay your dues even if that meant sitting there two hours after you completed all your work. Now, more businesses are supporting the concept of creating balance, striving for equal parts work and home. Around 2008 came the notion of “disconnecting.” CEOs and human resources offices urged people to disconnect from their laptops and devices. So heeding that advice, some of us turn off the tablets and phones once home, only to find yourself wondering if a client responded or your boss sent out a meeting schedule. Like a moth to a flame, you feel drawn to check. To look or not to look. Most of us spend a lot of time and energy trying to achieve some separation, trying to be “present” on weekends but brainstorming on an upcoming client pitch. And on occasion, during team meetings, you wonder if the local grocery store can make a Batman cake or if your daughter got an ‘A’ on her test.
“Be in the moment.” “Focus!” Trying to balance and disconnect and failing … repeatedly. Fretting about which role had drawn the short end of the responsibility sticks.
Now, here we are in 2018, and after anxiety and self-imposed stress, here is the great announcement: YOU CANNOT SEPARATE WORK AND LIFE
It cannot be done, and here is an alternate phrase: Working Life.
As in, you are working your life, working all your roles. ‘Working life’ is unlikely to be added to the Urban Dictionary. However, it best describes how most of us work.
Stop fixating on the figurative scales of your life. Stop counter-balancing and measuring who gets what and what gets more. Stop trying to compartmentalize and divide. It is a fruitless exercise. Instead, accept that every day you will be making adjustments in order to accomplish all the roles you fulfill. A little to the left. A little to the right. Up. Down. Sideways. You will never be finished making these adjustments. That’s life.
And to those of you who believe that your life challenges should not influence your career, ask yourself, do I value diversity of thought? Perspectives? Experiences? Your experiences as a mother, wife, caretaker, volunteer, friend, have all helped you develop professionally. It has made you who you are: time-management skills, negotiation tactics and abilities to see details are enhanced by these roles. They help you to be relatable, productive, empathetic and happy.
There have been countless articles about the convergence of work and life. Lots of discussion, which is a good thing for now. However, there must come a time when we stop talking about it because we don’t have to; it’s simply the way we work, the way everyone works. But for us to get there, we need to do the following:
1. Talk about it. Lead the dialogue. Share your stories. Talk about what is going on in your life and let others know what support you need.
2. Don’t judge. Whether someone wants flexibility for their health, their family or an outside interest, don’t evaluate why they are making adjustments. What they value is what they value.
3. Trust and be trusted. Follow through on your commitments. Be responsible.
4. Be dependable. Do the things you need to do and do them well. Don’t miss deadlines. Don’t make excuses. You are a grown-up. Act like one and be responsible. Figure it out.
So here we are … throwing a figurative rose on the coffin of work-life balance. May you rest in peace.
